Understanding her body language

According to experts, a large percentage of human relationships is non-verbal. Gestures, expressions, even the way we fidget: they're all saying something about the way we feel.

And the thing about a lot of body language is that it's subconscious. We do it without thinking about it. Which means that - though words can be used to obscure or confuse - body language rarely lies.

In other words, if you know how to read female body language, you can discover her innermost thoughts, even when conversation is not giving much away. That can provide useful information at any stage of a relationship, but particularly when you're first dating. Read on as we reveal how to understand her nods, twirls and shuffles.

Learn to observe
We can't tell you everything about the science of reading body language here, but underlying everything is this simple but crucial advice: learn to be observant. So much of what she really wants might remain unsaid - after all, nobody likes to give away too much early in a relationship - so the way she flicks her hair or the direction of her body might be the best clues you have.

If you learn to notice obvious body language signals, you'll have a powerful dating tool at your disposal.

Don't jump on one thing
So you're on a first date and she seems to deliberately unfold her arms, revealing a tight top. That's bound to be a good signal, right?

Well, maybe. But it could just be that she was too warm, or uncomfortable, or just subconsciously fancied a change of position. Reading body language is about reading a cluster of signals rather than just one message, which might not reveal a great deal. Look for repeated signals, or several in fairly quick succession.

The obvious is usually true
Does she fancy you? If so, she'll almost certainly be turned towards you, however coy her words make her seem. Certainly a leg, a foot or her shoulders will be turned in your direction.

Or her belly button. If her belly is turned in your direction, things may be going well. If it's turned towards the door... oh dear.

Another obvious signal is eye contact. You can be talking about the spreadsheet you've been working on at work or the moons of Jupiter but if she's gazing intently at you as you do there's every chance she's interested (in you, not the spreadsheet).

Of course, people look at each other when they're having a conversation anyway, but not so consistently. They become momentarily distracted by somebody at the other end of the bar, or glance at their drink to see how much they have left, or simply stare into space for a second or two. If she barely looks away, carry on doing what you're doing. If she does nothing but look away, change tack fast.

If she touches your arm as she talks that's a pretty clear signal too, but you probably don't need us to tell you that.

Nerves are good
Nerves are good in the early part of a relationship. They keep you on your toes and - even better - they make her give away things she might not want to.

If she seems edgy - maybe shuffling her feet or playing with her jewellery - it could be a very good sign. It stands to reason. If she sees you as nothing more than a free meal ticket for the swankiest restaurant in town, she wouldn't be anxious about the impression she was making.

The hair thing
Women often seem to be playing with their hair, but in a dating situation - or just if you're wondering if your girlfriend might be in the mood tonight - it's often a very good sign.

Why? Well, it's grooming. Grooming is hardwired into the female DNA, and women groom to find a mate. Also, tossing her hair back is a way to (subconsciously) show you more of her flesh, in sensitive areas like her neck and back. If she's tossing her hair, running her fingers through it or twirling it round a finger, you can take it as a positive sign.

Smiles different
If she doesn't smile at all, you're done for. But a half smile is a smile begrudgingly given and not a good sign either. Is she smiling broadly, or are her lips tight and the smile quick to fade? If so, up your game or accept that it's not going to work out. A broad smile and a flick of her hair are a combination that speaks volumes, all of them good.

Pupil power
This is tricky and takes a bit of practice, but if you get it right, it's a real winner.

Several serious studies have found that, when a woman is talking to someone she is sexually interested in, her pupils dilate. She can't mask it and you can - with practice - notice it, which is why a bright modern restaurant is sometimes a better place for a second or third date than a dingy bar.

There's also some evidence that she's communicating a similar desire if her chest flushes (you only need to see a couple of inches beneath her collar bone).

Again, don't take any one of these signs too seriously on their own, and don't let their absence put you off completely. But it's worth saying again that with flirting and dating, and in the early stages of a relationship, words can be deceptive but body language always tells the truth.

By: Hugh Wilson